god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
