...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize