i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
a search helicopter?!
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
