Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
