Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
