my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
