omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize