I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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