he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
this hospital has no fireball
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize