Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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