just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
