i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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