dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
