And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
