So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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