the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
