apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
