she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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