Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Found your dick twin last night
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
