did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
