I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
