i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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