He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
