I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
