The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
