she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
