So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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