So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
