The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
