I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
