i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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