Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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