Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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