just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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