worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
