I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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