The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I need water and some morals
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
