My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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