This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
