can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
