You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
