Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
