Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
