You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
