Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
