Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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