He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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