i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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