She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
