well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I have post one night stand depression
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
