You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Holy shit dude........stairs
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
