can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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