saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
