One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
