yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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