you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
