Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
