I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
