Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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