Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
