Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
