is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?Â
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize