party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
