She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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