Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
